OKAY! Now that I’ve gotten those frustrations out…(*see previous post)…I’m moving on! Of course those feelings are still going to be there, probably until I get to be on stage again, but there ARE things happening with me right now, a few really exciting things, so I’m going to put my energy into raving about those happenings instead. :)
EXCITING HAPPENING NUMBER ONE: I’m getting paid to act on camera! Remember that film audition I had a several months ago? Well, after many emails and a couple of meetings, I officially took the role, and we’ll be filming in about two weeks. I don’t know what kind of details I’m able to give before the film is released (I know it’s going to be submitted to festivals), but basically, there are several monologue-interviews through-out the film, and my character is one of the women being interviewed. I have about 4 pages to memorize by this Saturday…All about my character’s experience of getting gang-raped in the military… O_o
Heh…
I’m geeky excited though! It’s going to be tough, mostly because of how heavy this topic is, but it’s going to be a really stretching experience. Then on top of that, the issues being raised in this film in general are important, and seldom discussed, and the ‘moral of the story’, so to speak, is something I can get behind, so I’m just really excited about the whole thing.
And of course…getting paid for it is a very sweet cherry on top of everything else previously mentioned. ;)
EXCITING HAPPENING NUMBER TWO: A former cast-mate of mine (from Goodbye Dick) contacted me about being involved with this team-building, spy game…thing…taking place in the Loop. To be totally honest, I’m still not exactly sure what this thing is, but I know I’ll be playing a dual character (need to find a wig!), I’ll get a few lines of dialogue, and….That’s about all I know. Lol.
But despite my limited knowledge, this is why this particular happening is so exciting:
ONE: It’s another chance to act. :)
TWO: It’s another chance to act…FOR PAY. :D
THREE: It takes place on a Wednesday, EXACTLY when my giant break is. So I don’t have to miss any classes, I don’t have to miss work, and I don’t have to find stuff to do during the SIX hours I have in between my Text Analysis class and my History of Chicago class.
AND FOUR: It’s freakin’ networking in action! You know that big, scary, intimidating concept that you think you’ll never be able to figure out because you’re not the type of person who goes to a party and hands out business cards or headshots? Yeah, well as it turns out, (and I knew this before, but this just proves it), all ‘networking’ is, is working with people in the industry, being professional, be memorable (specifically for being professional!) and then maintaining a relationship or connection to those people you worked with previously. I’m sure there will be plenty of times when I’ll have to do the whole ‘business card at a party’ thing, but until then, I’m just going to keep being as professional as I know how to be, and if that leads to future jobs, then GREAT! And if not? Then at least I know I have friends in the industry. :)
And I think that’s all for tonight. I have one last update to rave about, but that needs its own post, so I’ll hold off on that. (It may or may not be about a web series I am an actor/writer/producer(?) for… :D)
Goodnight Mom and Spambots! And remember…Kittens can happen to anyone.
;)
T.
The wonderful thing about not getting called back all that often, and not getting cast at all, is that, eventually, you get to this point where you don’t cry anymore when you see that you have not been called back or cast… O_o
Ha. No, but honestly, it IS a wonderful place to be. Obviously, getting called back and getting cast would be a better place to be, but as far as rejection goes, it’s nice to know that I won’t have to fight back tears till I’m out of the theatre building anymore…
What I hope DOESN’T happen though, is that I hope I don’t lose…Well, hope. I have gone on ALOT of auditions this year, and I’ve had quite a few callbacks. Even more important, is that I have had several GREAT auditions. But with all this cast-less-ness, I’m a little worried that I’m going to cease being excited about auditions…That I’m not going to have happy little butterflies in my stomach when I go to check the callback list…I’m worried that I will become so used to rejection, that I’ll stop thinking I might have a chance at anything more. It’s not that I’m going to stop hoping. And it’s not that I ever expect to get cast. But it’s that sweet place in between “hope” and “expectation” that I’m worried about losing…That the “I could actually get cast in this” thought will be replaced by “There’s no way I’m going to get cast in this” thought, even if I am honestly right for one of the roles in the show.
At this point, I’m not getting cynical or negative or whatever about acting. I’m not even becoming any of those things towards auditions. To be honest, the more auditions I have, the more fun I have going to them…Which almost makes this whole ordeal harder. Because with every great audition I have that I feel good about, all I really want is a callback so that I can get to act with other people and play around with characters I’ve never played with before.
I can’t exactly pinpoint what I’m starting to feel ‘cynical’ or negative or whatever about. Callback lists? Cast lists? Columbia directors? I don’t know.
I’m trying to keep my head up, but if there’s one thing Columbia seems to be teaching me, again and again and again, it’s that the Theatre Stage wants nothing to do with me, but Film and Television are both happy to have me.
It’s like…When you’re really excited to visit your hometown, but while you’re there, your car gets a flat tire, the weather sucks, you get a speeding ticket, you get a papercut off of that ticket, someone in your family gets really ill, and you stub your toe…And then all you can think is, “Awesome. Well, screw this. I can’t wait to go back home.”…And your entire trip just makes you tired and a little sad. Sad because your hometown is no longer ‘home-like’. You love your new city (in this case, film, it seems), but you miss your hometown (stage) for what it used to be for you. And for what you know it COULD be again, if it would just stop being a stubborn jackass…
Hah.
No, but here’s the thing. I am very grateful for everything that’s happening in my life in regards to film and television. It’s just that there are things I’m learning in my classes that I don’t get to practice outside of those classes, because they’re stage techniques. And even just having a solid, dramatic scene with great dialogue with another person…None of the filmmakers at Columbia do films like that. Student films don’t really give you much of a chance to really dig into characters, story arcs, and fellow actor connections. There’s little to no rehearsal time. There are rarely even any lines…
Let me be clear…With the exception of one film, I have loved every student film project I’ve worked on. But I’ve learned so much more in my classes this past year…And I haven’t been able to utilize these new skills/discoveries/what-have-you on stage, because I haven’t been cast, and I haven’t been able to utilize them on film, because most Columbia filmmakers don’t know how to write scenes for actors. That’s not the case for all, but it is for most. So as an actor, my best chance to act in a great scene is to act on stage…Which doesn’t want me.
Which…(And this is my last bit of tangent on this, I promise)…is too. damn. bad. for stage.
I mean that. I’m good. Still learning of course, but…(and I say all of this with as much humility as possible)…I am a pretty great actor. And I am a PROFESSIONAL actor. I memorize quickly and accurately. I’m good at saving my scene partners when they forget their lines. I don’t break character. I have a little trouble projecting sometimes, but as someone who has only done films in the past two years, do you blame me for being a little rusty on my projection skills? I’m bold. I’m willing to take risks. I shaved my very full, very pretty head of hair for charity, and I’d be more than willing to do so again for a role. Hell, in scene study last semester, I even stripped down to lingerie for one of my scenes. I am extremely punctual. I’m direct-able. I don’t complain about whatever costume I have to wear, I don’t talk over the director or stage manager. I’m a nice person, I’m a fun person, I’m a sane person. I’ve never been a drama queen. There’s a reason the film directors I’ve worked with keep asking me to be in their films, time after time. It’s because I’m the type of actor you want to work with. And on top of all of that, I have discipline, training, and, simply…talent.
I guess I’m just frustrated and needed to get all of this out of my system. I’m trying to stay positive. And like I think I said before (or said in another recent post), I do have some stuff happening right now, acting wise, that I’m really excited about. (More on that in a near-future post!) So I don’t want any of this to come off as whiney or complaining just for the sake of complaining or whatever. That’s not it. I just miss the stage, and as far as I can tell, I am doing absolutely everything ‘right’, and yet I’m still not in a show, and that is just really frustrating.
And you know, now that I’ve posted this giant rant, I’ve probably tripled my chances of getting cast in a show next week…Haha. “Just kidding guys! I’m in a show now! Heh heh…”
Ha. But yeah. So…I think that’s it for tonight. Like I said, I’ll be updating about the more exciting aspects of my life soon. Those require their own posts though, so look for those in the next few days. :)
My final thoughts for the night: I’m not giving up. Of course that applies to acting in general…(giving up acting has never been an option, as far as I’m concerned)…but specifically, I’m not giving up on the Stage. I will stand outside its window with Peter Gabriel singing from my shoulder if I have to…But I’m not done with the theatre, and I’m not going to let it be done with me yet. I’ll keep auditioning, I’ll keep having FUN at auditions, and I’ll keep hoping for callbacks and roles…Despite how difficult it gets.
*BIG DEEP BREATH*
Okay. That’s it. For real this time.
God bless, and carry on,
Tori
So I was writing this giant update when I decided that my blog/website/web presence in general/etc all need a bit of an overhaul. No more updating just for the sake of updating, but also no disappearing for months at a time just because I’m busy.
Because really, those are the times I SHOULD be writing my thoughts down. How better to learn/discuss/etc than to keep a record while things are happening, as opposed to when they’re finished?
Doing alot of organizing and rearranging in my life in general right now. Trying to find a comfortable rhythm so I don’t get unnecessarily stressed, and so that I can actually get stuff done. Breaking old habits, easing myself into new habits. It’s a process, for sure.
So that’s where I’m at right now. I realize that’s a little vague, but it’s better than the long rambly post I was writing before…Lol.
I’ll see you around, Internet! Alot of things are happening for me right now, and I can’t wait to share all of them with you soon. :)
Goodnight!
Tori
Just wanted to give kind of a general update on this semester. It’s easily the best semester I’ve had so far. I’m only going part-time (again), which sucks, but I love my classes.
I’m taking Advanced Scene Study with Scott Olson, and I absolutely LOVE that class and all the people in it. I’ve laughed myself to tears more than once in that class.
I’m also taking Stage Combat I (Unarmed and Rapier & Dagger) with John McFarland (AKA Captain Hammer), and while I think I’m pretty good at Unarmed, and it feels pretty natural to me, Rapier & Dagger is like learning a complicated foreign language. I don’t mean the terms necessarily…I just mean, trying to get my footwork to match with the rest of what I’m doing, and knowing what to do when feels a lot like how I felt when I was trying to learn how to speak and write Italian after having (sort of) learned Spanish. I would end up thinking in Spanish because the languages were so simliar, and I ended up failing the class, cause they weren’t similar enough.
Not that I’m going to fail the Rapier & Dagger portion of Stage Combat I, but I do need to find the time to work on it outside of class. Like, hardcore. John just moves so quickly through everything, and I just feel very behind. Also, rapiers are hella heavy, and I really have to get some upper body strength if I want to get any better at, well, ANY of this.
My last class this semester is Aesthetics and Storytelling. It’s not part of my Television Writing minor, but it is a prereq for my first required TV Writing class. It’s a good class, and I’m definitely getting alot out of it, (and I’ve realized more than once that I know and understand alot more about television production that I would have initially thought), but it does get frustrating at times. My teacher calls me Vicky, for one, which drives me crazy, but I know she’s the type of teacher who won’t remember to call me Tori if I correct her, and I figure I won’t ever take her again, so I won’t bother correcting her, but it still drives me crazy nonetheless.
(Side note: SERIOUSLY though. NOWHERE in the name “Victoria” is the name “Vicky”…Why would people assume that THAT is my nickname before assuming that “Tori” (which IS in “Victoria”) is my nickname? And WHY in god’s name do the majority of the “Victoria”‘s in the world go by “Vicky” in the first place? It’s a gross, awful nickname! Blech! /end side note.)
This aesthetics class is also frustrating (moreso than that other thing), because my teacher uses Moodle.
I hate Moodle. More than I hate the name “Vicky”. It’s a navigational nightmare, and over 90% of my assignments haven’t gotten to my teacher because of the disorganized mess that is Moodle.
And because of all the mixups that have happened with my assignments, I have no idea how I’m doing in that class. I know I’ve done well on the assignments themselves, but I don’t know how many she’s actually gotten, because she keeps asking me to send stuff to her that I’ve already sent to her, and I don’t know how many of those assignments are considered late by her standards.
So, the logistics and technicalities of the class are a frustrated wreck, but what I’ve learned from the subject matter itself and from the projects I have, in fact, done (and done on-time) has been pretty awesome. I think making Television Writing my minor was a smart move.
As far as class updates go, that’s pretty much it for this semester. I do have my schedule for next semester though!
Character and Ensemble with Ginsberg
Text Analysis with McCabe
Stage Combat II with Yondorf
Personal Wellness (for my Science req.)
and
Television Arts: Writing (for my TV Writing minor.)
:D
Outside of school, I’m still working at Cosi, but HOPEFULLY, I will have exciting Thrival Job news to fill you in on sometime this week, so stay tuned on that front.
And then the other two updates I have require their own post, which I’ll do another day. Mostly because I’m sleepy and just had an excellent, spiritually rich conversation with one of my roommates that I want to keep fresh in my mind as I go to sleep. :)
Btw, my roommates are total God-sends. Simple as that. It was all his idea for us to all room together, and it was a great idea at that. :)
And on that note, goodnight! I love you all. :)
Tori
HI. Hey.
Okay. This is an ADVANCED SCENE STUDY update. I’m taking Scott Olson again for this class, so we’re doing journals again. I didn’t update (obviously) throughout the process of my first scene, but I did take notes throughout, so I’m just going to sum everything up in one post. I’ll do regular updates for my second scene though. I promise. (I think.) I hope. I WILL.
Okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My scene was the Joe and Edna scene from Waiting For Lefty. One: I LOVE this play. Two: I LOVE this scene. Three: I LOVE Edna. One of the (many) things I love about Scott is his taste in plays, and his uncanny ability to cast his students in really great roles.
And Tom, my scene partner, was great too. We were already friends before we started class, so I was excited about getting to work with him in the first place, and then throughout the process, realized that we really do have a GREAT connection within our acting, and that just made the entire process even better.
In one of our very first rehearsals, we decided to block out a hug in the middle of our scene, and that set us off in a really solid direction. It kept the love between Joe and Edna alive in the scene, but also gave Edna a jumping off point to really dig into Joe and call him out on his shit.
For the most part, our rehearsals felt really ‘stuck’ though. We made more discoveries and acted off of our impulses and instincts and connection more in our performances than we ever did in our rehearsals.
We just weren’t as connected in rehearsal as we were on performance days. We’d get trapped into routines, and we’d usually end our rehearsals with, “Well, we’re not going to get any further with this tonight. Let’s just leave it alone till our performance, and Scott will help us figure out why we keep getting stuck.”
But then we’d have our performance, and we’d be totally connected. We’d listen, make eye contact, make natural physical contact, and we’d really live in the scene. Most of the time, we could feel that we did really well, (and that feeling is REALLY nice!), but there were a few times that we felt off, and yet the audience/Scott would still rave about how great the scene was. (Which was also a REALLY nice feeling…Especially the time Scott compared us to the professional production….In a “You two are doing it right, and I wish this other production could see you do this scene and learn how the scene is SUPPOSED to go”, kind of a way… :D)
One of the things I loved about this scene was that this was the first time I’ve ever been able to kind of ‘let go’ of myself and let the character take over. I know that sounds somewhat ridiculous, but honestly, when our scene was really moving along, I felt like I was just along for the ride, yet still 100% aware of what was going on. I can distinctly remember making decisions in the moment, yet as Edna, not Tori. It’s an AMAZING feeling. It’s like all the techniques I’ve been learning finally clicked in the scene, and so with knowing what that feels like, I think I’ll have an easier time getting back to that rhythm from here on out. (Hopefully, anyway!)
The only thing I really wish for as far as this process went, was that me and Tom could have figured out how to do in our rehearsals what we did in our performances. I guess that’s one of the things I’ll have to try and figure out how to do in our class’s next set of scenes.
I definitely made a giant leap in my acting through this scene. (And I’m officially a huge fan of Odettes’ writing now.) Objectives, tactics, etc aren’t just terms now….Like I said before, they click more now than they ever have before. I feel like in this scene, I’ve gotten out of my head in thinking of said terms, and I’ve gotten into the heart of actually putting those terms into practice….Into playing the character, and not just knowing the character, you know?
Our final performance didn’t go nearly as smoothly as most of our other performances did. Which kind of sucks, especially since that was the version we taped, but according to Scott, it wasn’t as bad as we thought it was. I mean, not even nearly. He said it was still a very good performance. Just not as tight, which is okay.
We got our Process/Performance evaluations for this scene back, and I seriously want to frame this, or put it up on my refrigerator. (Actually, I think I might do that second one…Lol.) I have never felt as confident and motivated in my abilities as an actor as I have this semester, and this evaluation just kind of solidifies/validates/what-have-you the things I’ve already been feeling. It shows that I’m not just making stuff up in my head about how I’ve grown this semester. And it just makes me really really happy. Especially the part that said, “The work that you and Tom did together was a little on the magical side.”
:D :D :D
So yeah. First scene for Advance Scene Study this semester? Total success! VERY great experience! And even though it wasn’t as good as our other performances, I’ll probably still upload the video of our last performance on here at some point. I just have to get the correct files for it from Matt. (Who recorded it for us. Yay! Thanks again, Matt!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now, onto our second set of scenes! Process updates on that to follow soon. :)
Tori
Had an audition for a paid film role last night that went really well.
How really well?
(After my cold reading:)
Director: “Have you done film before?”
Me: “Yes, I have!”
Director: “I could tell. That was fantastic, thank you!”
Feels good. Feels really good. :D
Also have a student film and an independent sketch series coming together in the near future, with two really talented filmmakers I’ve worked with in the past. Very excited!
And on the theatre front…Well, I had a FANTASTIC audition and an AWESOME callback for a Directing III production of The Last Days of Judas Iscariot…IE, one of the top favorite shows, featuring one of my top favorite “I have to play this role at least once in my life” roles. I’m not going to get into the whole story now, mostly because it has a truly disappointing ending. A frustrating, upsetting ending involving my not getting the role.
I pinpoint the feeling an actor has after not getting a role they have their heart set on to being like that feeling a person gets when their significant other breaks up with them, not because of something this person has done or hasn’t done, but because their significant other simply falls for someone else.
It sucks, and for a day, you hate the person they’ve fallen for instead, and you cry on the train ride home, just snotting all over your face in close quarters with alot of strangers. You sit on the couch in front of the television, eat ice cream, and wallow. And then you get over it and move on the next day, with the help of friends and strangers, who encourage you and/or validate your feeling of, “I should have gotten that role…”
Which is what happened with me. Sometimes I think a person just needs one night to wallow, you know?
Other than that, I haven’t done any theatre lately outside of my classes. I’ll get to talking about those classes later in another post. I’m really excited about all the film opportunities I have right now though. They make not being in a show okay. (My classes help with that too.)
As for right now, I’ve got to get going to my thrival job…Which will hopefully be changing soon.
Good day, friends!
T.
Soo…As every diary I’ve ever owned already knows, I’m terrible at regularly writing down what is happening in my life. And then I say, “Oh, I’m totally going to catch up!”, and then that never happens.
Ahh, such is life. The truth is, there are more important things going on right now than for me to worry about filling in my devoted spam commenters from Russia (and my Mom…Hi Mom!) on the minute details of my acting career. Especially when I, frankly, don’t have an acting career right now. I mean, not really.
As much as I would love to work on a monologue or film a short scene or write character breakdowns for the three television series living in my brain, I just don’t have the time or money to actively work on my acting career.
To be honest, it breaks my heart, but that’s just where I’m at right now. I’m still checking audition postings, and submitting myself to extras casting calls, and I’m still anxiously waiting by the mailbox for a response from any one of the talent agents I submitted myself to, because that’s really the only thing left for me to do…Anything more than that, though, requires either time or money or both, and I have neither.
The quote that keeps jumping to my mind through all this comes from Morgan Freeman. He said (or so IMDB says), “Once you’ve gotten the job, there’s nothing to it. If you’re an actor, you’re an actor. Doing it is not the hard part. The hard part is getting to do it.”
No truer words.
I just need to keep reminding myself that I’ve got time. I mean, most of the actors I really look up to didn’t even START their careers, let alone play the roles they’ve become known for, until they were at least 30.
Of course, I’m going to do all that I can to act whenever I can, so that maybe I’ll be lucky enough to have a self-sustaining career BEFORE 30, but I’ve just got to stay patient and determined.
In other news, I’ve got an idea for a television series rolling around in my brain. This is the third totally separate television series idea I’ve had, and so far, I think it’s the best. I’m really excited about it. :) Now I’ve just got to learn how to bring it into existence…! ;)
Another update will come (hopefully) soon…Either because I will finally have gotten internet at my new apartment, I will have had a meeting with a talent agent, or Joss Whedon will have cast me in his next brilliant creation. As far as I’m concerned, those are the only three events that could happen to me in the next couple weeks. ;)
Keep the pursuit alive,
Tori
Quick update to say that I will be updating soon. Lame, I know. But I don’t want to ramble, so I gotta actually plan out what I’m going to post, rather than just type off the cuff.
The past three months have been CRAZY busy, and there’s alot I want to talk about.
In no particular order:
1. I ended my first year at Columbia College.
2. I finished two more student films.
3. I acted, directed, and edited my own HitRECord film.
4. I moved to a new apartment.
5. I edited together my very first, official reel.
6. I got a job at Cosi.
7. I took new headshots. In less than 20 minutes. :D
8. I submitted my headshots, resume, and reel to nine different talent agencies in Chicago, as well as to the extras casting department for Superman.
9. I got an iPhone 4! (Okay. That has nothing to do with school, thrival jobs, or acting, but it’s exciting cause it’s shiny and new and white and beautiful.)
And there’s probably some other updates too. Or not. I can’t think of what right now.
Anyway…Elaborations to follow. :)
Tori
I’ve got alot going on right now to be excited about!
One: I recently discovered hitRECord and have become obsessed with it. I’m not sure how to succinctly describe what this site is better than it has described itself, but basically, if you are a creator of anything….Theatre, film, art, music, photography, editing, mixing, etc…You need to be on this site. It’s a collaborative production company that is making the idea of ‘creating your own work’ a much more accessible idea than it ever has been before.
I haven’t RECorded alot yet, but I’ve got several ideas I’m getting ready to execute. This company is so inspiring. :)
Two: I’ve got two student films coming up with filmmakers I’ve worked with in the past. In one, I get to play four lead characters, and in the other, I get to play a sexy assassin. :D
I’m starting to see some wheels turning. I haven’t been in Chicago for a full year, and yet, already, I’ve developed collaborative relationships with like-minded creatives. I’m not just going to audition after audition for strangers who have a film for class they need actors for so they can get a decent grade. I’m accepting acting opportunities from colleagues who are producing their own work, which just happen to also be for their film classes.
Honestly, there’s no better feeling than to act in a production that is orchestrated by people who are EXCITED about what it is they’re producing. Especially if the production is their baby…. Conceived, written, directed by them. And even more especially, if you’ve worked with them before and click with them artistically. Those distinctions are what differentiate the ‘class assignments’ from the ‘films’…from the ‘art’.
And see…this is all that ‘networking’ really is. The term ‘networking’ has such an intimidating connotation to it. It brings forth images of cheesy/insincere smiles, “Let’s do lunch”es, and standing around at parties with people you ‘have’ to know in order to ‘make it’.
But that’s false, empty, self-centered ‘networking’. Actors are trained to play out “What do I want from this person? What will I do to this person to get what I want from them?”, and yet we forget that this behavior is not conducive to healthy, productive, or enjoyable ‘real life’ relationships….Either professional or personal relationships. We tend to get so caught up in ‘networking’ with people, that we forget that we would do better to approach a relationship with the question, “What does this person need? What can I do to help this person?”
Which is why I’d much rather focus on the idea of collaborating, rather than networking. It’s a much less ‘selfish’ sounding idea. But it’s also not a ‘selfless’ idea either…Instead, it’s using ‘self’ for the benefit of others, or the benefit of the production. Not for one’s own glorification or advancement.
Basically, just be a good person and a good artist. Work hard, fine-tune your craft, have fun, and make friends. I promise, you will enjoy this industry a heck of alot more if you do that rather than stress out about what you should do to get remembered by whatever casting directors you meet at the dozens of networking meet-and-greets you attend every month.
Shoot, that approach to ‘networking’ is a mouthful to even say, let alone put into practice.
Ice, ice, baby!
Tori
Hey friends! I’ve shaved my head.
:D
My little brother Aaron and I participated in St. Baldrick’s this year!(http://www.stbaldricks.org/) We raised (/are still raising) donations to help St. Baldrick’s fund Childhood Cancer research, and then in solidarity with the kids living with and fighting against cancer, we shaved our heads.
I was ridiculously nervous about it, even after I decided to officially do it. After that decision, there was no way I was going to back down, but I was still nervous. I mean, I very rarely even get haircuts because I’m afraid it’s going to get messed up or not look right. I thought if I shaved my head, my forehead would look extra tall, and my cheeks would look even bigger than usual. Ha. Silly stuff, really, but it was a huge step for me to do actually do this.
Even more so, however, I was nervous about how this would affect my auditioning and whatnot. I didn’t want to hurt my chances of getting cast just because a casting director couldn’t see past my bald head. After talking to a couple of my teachers though, and some of my actor friends, I felt a little more confident about it.
Here are the reasons I decided to go for it:
1. St. Baldrick’s is an amazing organization, and I could have just raised money for it, but to be totally honest, that seemed like a cowardly choice. It’s just hair, and no one is too good or too pretty to lose theirs in order to lift up and support the little boys and girls having to go through chemo rather than having a normal, carefree childhood. Obviously, I don’t mean that everyone should go out and shave their heads for cancer babies (although it IS a very freeing experience!)…Donating money is incredibly noble and helpful in and of itself. But since I was already going to be raising money for this organization anyway, there was absolutely no good reason NOT to shave my head, you know?
2. I make it a point to tithe with every paycheck I get, but since I had been out of work for so long, I couldn’t give any money to any of the organizations I support. I’m usually anemic, so I can’t give blood, I’m going to school full-time, and was job hunting (and am now working), so I couldn’t volunteer my time, so the only thing left for me to sacrifice was my hair.
3. I wanted to shave my head at some point in my life anyway, and this seemed like the perfect time to do so. I didn’t want my first time to be because of a role…I wanted it to have more meaning that that. And right now, I’m not in any shows or auditioning full-time, so even if it DOES hurt my chances of getting roles, that’s okay, because I’m not pursuing roles full-time right now anyway. By the time I WILL be going for them all the way, my hair will be grown back.
4. My brother said he’d do it with me. I think if he hadn’t joined my team, I would have had an even harder time deciding to go through with it. And God bless him, he went first during the actual shaving, so I didn’t have to. Hah.
5. Five minute showers. :D
6. I have a few friends who did it last year, which helped give me the confidence to do it this year.
7. It may actually give me a leg-up in certain audition situations. I mean, how many bald 20-something women are out there auditioning for roles or submitting for representation?
I feel like there are more reasons why I decided to participate this year, but I can’t think of what those other reasons might be right now.
Personally, this was one of the greatest decisions I’ve ever made. I feel (and in alot of ways, look) more like “me” than I’ve felt (/looked) in a long time. I didn’t even realize it until my hair was gone. I mean, I do miss my hair a little sometimes, but honestly, not enough for me to want it to grow back fast. I’m actually thinking about getting a razor to keep it super buzzed for a while. I love it being this short. Lotion, hats, rain, etc all feel amazing on my scalp. I can’t stop touching my head. Hah. It really is an incredibly liberating feeling to be bald.
And I look alot better bald than I thought I would. I LOVE not having to worry about my hair, especially in the morning! I get to enjoy the wind, because there’s nothing for it to mess up. I just love everything about it right now. :D
Also, since then, I’ve gotten asked to be in two different student films, so thus far, it hasn’t hurt my chances of getting cast in anything, which is a great sign!
My brother and I are still accepting donations, so if you would like to help us reach our goals, you can go to our team site and click the “Make a Donation” button underneath our team photo!
http://www.stbaldricks.org/teams/twosibs
Also, we’re accepting donations on our individual sites as well:
Aaron: http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/436510
Me: http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/torijohns
Anything you can give is greatly appreciated! Or even if you can just spread the word, that would be amazing too. OR, you can always form your own team, raise money, and shave your head as well! :D
I’m just so excited about how everything turned out!
Much love and solidarity,
Tori
